The light of eternity

An NDE in 1968

This is the passionate testimony of the NDE of a French lady, who wanted to remain anonymous.

I was destined to live a particular experience that has broadened my understanding of the world and turned all the values of my life upside down. It was a profound and unforgettable experience that touched every aspect of my being and gave me the certainty that death does not exist. This experience is within me and reminds me of the fullness, beauty and immense peace of a condition that escapes any description, compared to which the pursuit of material wealth, fame, power and glory appears miserable and ridiculous. I hope that the description of my experience can wipe away many tears and demystify death, since it is a song to life.    

45 seconds of eternity

It all happened in 1968, when three weeks after the birth of my second child I had a severe bleeding. I was admitted to the hospital and operated urgently. During the course of hysterectomy there was a second violent haemorrhage. My heart stopped beating, I was told, for about 45 seconds, with a flat electrocardiogram. During those 45 seconds I lived an instant of eternity! I remember first of all that I found myself at the height of the room ceiling. I was there with all my thoughts, my emotions, my impressions, with everything that constitutes my most inner being. I became aware of being able to see simultaneously from all sides, but above all I felt a new and incredible feeling: I existed outside my physical body. I assure you that feeling to live outside of oneself is a shocking thing. I became aware that I was the tenant of my body, which was lying on the surgery room table. I looked at it and did not find it beautiful. I was cadaverous, I had tubes that came out of my nose and mouth, I was absolutely unfit. But it no longer mattered, because that body was not me, it was only my vehicle. I heard the surgeon exclaim: «She's getting out of my hands!» These words were confirmed to me a month later by the nurse who had witnessed the operation.     

I did not stay in the operating room for long, because I thought of my husband and father-in-law who were waiting in the waiting room. Thinking of them, I instantly found myself beside them. I became aware of being able to pass through the walls. Everything seemed natural to me, only later I asked myself how it was possible! How could I pass through the walls and find myself in that waiting room, since I did not know where it was located? I noticed that there were no chairs in the room, which my husband later confirmed. I saw that he and his father were going back and forth across the room, while I tried to show myself to them, but in vain: they could not see me. I did not understand what was happening, I felt a kind of desperation for not being able to communicate with the people I loved. Trying to make me perceived, I put the hand of my ethereal body, in which I now stood, on the shoulder of my father-in-law, and my hand passed through his body!         

The consciousness of being oneself

At the same time, however, I became aware of a new faculty: that of being able to go through all that exists. I never lost the notion of being myself, but I seemed to occupy more space and I found myself in the heart of my husband. I knew all his thoughts and also the essence of his being, what he was worth as a human being. The same thing happened with my father-in-law. My in-laws had lost their first child when he was only 25: the boy had drowned in a vain attempt to save a friend. As a result they had concentrated all their love on their second and last child, who at that time was 14. When he later became my husband, I had the impression that I had taken away their son and I thought they did not love me for myself, but only on the basis of my ability to make him happy. And this made me suffer. And now that I could read in the heart of my father-in-law I realized all the compassion and all the affection that he had for me and I was able to see beyond my projections.

A light in the darkness

Later I found myself in an abyss of darkness, of silence. I was alone in the world, in an infinite nothingness and I would give anything to hear a noise and see something. I do not know how long that state lasted. Maybe a fraction of a second? Time did not exist. I thought, «Here, my girl, you're dead». And yet I was not dead since I existed. I remembered a phrase I had been taught at catechism when I was a child: «We live until the end of time, until the final resurrection». In that context, the idea of living in that nothingness and darkness seemed unbearable to me. Something inside me invoked help and from a distance I saw a light. From that moment on I was no longer alone in the world. I was projected at a prodigious speed towards that light and as I approached the light became bigger and bigger, until it occupied all the space. The darkness cleared up, I distinctly perceived some presences around me, even without being able to see them, but above all I felt an infinite joy born in my heart, a joy a thousand times greater than all the joys I had been able to experience on this earth. And so I went back into the light. Then there are no more words... That light was also an ocean of love, but of a pure love, which offers itself without asking for anything, a love-sun, and I was made of love. I was immersed in an ocean of love, loved for what I was, far from all the Earth's worries and turmoil! I was no longer aware of time and space, but I was aware of being, of having always been. I had realized that I was a particle of that light and that I was eternal. In that fullness and in that immense peace I understood the meaning of the words: «I am». It was as if, even remaining myself, I became everything and found my real nature. I had found my homeland. I had become love and I was life. How can I, my God, share this experience? If each of us could live it, even for a moment, there would be no more misery, violence and war on this planet.

Recognizing ourselves as souls

In that light I saw a luminous young man coming towards me. My heart was filled with joy, because I recognized my brother. When I was eleven, my parents had lost a seven-month-old baby. I adored that toddler, I was his little mommy. After his death my parents and I experienced that suffering so well expressed by the words of Victor Hugo: «One single being is missing and everything is desert». But now he was in front of me, alive! And I was happy, I was so happy! I found myself in his arms. It was solid and I was too. We understood each other with thought and feelings, and I told him: «How happy daddy and mom would be to see you!» He told me that he had always followed and accompanied us into our lives, and I understood that love bonds never die. How could I be sure that this being was my brother? Obviously there is a big difference between the physical features of a baby and those of an adolescent. And yet I know with absolute certainty that it was him. I think it's a recognition between souls...        

I also met my husband's brother, Jacques, whom I had only seen in pictures. I was surprised and happy to see that he loved me and knew me. He showed me the circumstances of his death and how much his parents had suffered, especially my mother-in-law. I hoped I would never have to face such a trial in my life. I also met beings that I had never seen on Earth. And yet I knew them and felt immense happiness in seeing them again. They could read inside me like an open book and I wanted to show them only the positive aspects of myself. I know these beings accompany me and guide me in my life. All these meetings took place in a landscape flooded with light, beauty and peace. I was in a beautiful garden, nature was wonderful. The grass was greener than on our Earth, there were other flowers, other colors, the sounds themselves turned into colors. And all this created an harmony, a unity that made me understand the sacredness of life. Everything was alive, a simple blade of grass caught me because I saw in it the molecules of life, I saw their inner light. I thought then that beyond human suffering, which we experience when the people we love die, we should rejoice knowing that they are finding life again.      

The life review

I relived my life backwards, from my 26 years up to the time of my birth. Next to me there was a being of light, a creature that my heart knew. I can not describe the radiation and the power of love that that being emanated. I realized later that she also had a lot of humor. I heard a voice that seemed to come from the bottom of the universe, a voice both powerful and sweet at the same time. A voice made of strength and love, which asked me: «How  did you love and what did you do for others?» I immediately understood the importance of this question. At the same time I had the vision of a multitude of beings with their arms stretched towards the sky, in a pleading attitude. I knew that those beings suffered and I felt all their suffering. What had I done for them? I had not been bad, but I had not done anything in particular. The question that had been addressed to me demanded, to use Emerson's words, to do all the good that exists in the individual, and I now understood that this required so much love. It also required a growth, a transformation that in turn would help others to change. I felt then that humanity is a single being whose members are interdependent of each other for their evolution and their survival. I woke up at a new responsibility. The understanding of all that, so simple in appearance, continues to deepen over time.      

All my life was there, with all the joys, expectations, hopes and sufferings that had been part of it. I rediscovered my emotions as a child, lived again some forgotten episodes, and saw again all the motivations of the years I had lived: it is not possible to hide anything, everything is written in the great book of life. It was shocking, because during that evaluation I was at the same time the one who relived every situation, with all the emotions that accompanied it, and also the other part of myself, the one that did not feel emotions and that was only wisdom, knowledge, love and justice. It was this pure light, this other part of myself, that evaluated my life and made everything clear. I understood all my psychological mechanisms, I saw how they worked, I saw my limitations, my weaknesses and many other subtler things that I have not yet been able to translate into words. I became aware of the good and the bad that I had done without realizing the consequences that my actions and thoughts would have on myself and on the people who were close to me. I realized what those to whom I had done good felt, and those to whom I had behaved in an unpleasant way felt. This great consciousness evaluates our life on the basis of criteria of absolute love and wisdom, and we are aware of our faults, miseries and weaknesses. Then we regret the time spent looking for false values and we realize we do not have really lived. This awareness is also accompanied by compassion for ourselves because it turns out that ignorance, fear, conditioning, weaknesses have alienated us from what we really are and from what we could have achieved in our life.       

A choice

I was shown my life after my return to Earth. But first I was asked if I wanted to stay or go back to life. My soul wanted to stay, but had also thought of my two children who needed their mother. I was also told that on my return I would necessarily forget many of the things I had experienced. In spite of my desire to keep all that knowledge within myself, I know that a lot of it has vanished: I have not been able to take anything but a few crumbs with me, and I am sorry. When I say it was shown to me, I was told, I mean that I received this information from a being (for example, my brother) or from the great light. It was as if I were in a class without teachers. So I saw my children grow up and I was proud of them. I was shown that my in-laws and my grandmother would leave this earth at about the same time, and that two of them would be gone three weeks apart, a revelation that struck me. My father-in-law and my grandmother left us 13 years after this experience, exactly three weeks apart from each other, and my mother-in-law died the following year. I had told this information to my husband and my parents, who were very troubled about it. I know I've known many things, but I've forgotten them. I was told that God was strength, life and movement, that life existed everywhere in the universe, that when I will die I will not be asked what religion, philosophy or race I belong to, but how I loved and what I did for others, because the only important thing is the inner quality of an individual.       

I was also told that everything that goes towards unity is positive and that my life, compared to eternity, corresponded to a blink in my own life. I was then shown the future of humankind: I saw that our Earth would be the object of great reversals and that we would go through great trials, great tribulations, because we have advanced technology, a lot of science, but little fraternity and wisdom. And I was shown everything that threatened to happen if we had not changed. I insist on if, because it is crucial. I was told that we were at a kind of crossroads and that nothing was ineluctable, everything depended on our ability to love and act wisely. However, I felt the extreme urgency of a great individual and global transformation of humankind and the need to establish peace and tolerance within us and around us, to live in harmony and respect for all that lives.      

Universal Life

I also saw that I had already lived on this Earth. I was shown pieces of other lives and the link that connected them all. I was told that we return to this Earth until we acquire enough love and wisdom: it is all a matter of evolution. In the state in which I was, I found everything very logical and evident. Later, when I had returned into my body, this memory was shocking to me; but I am intimately convinced that this concept of successive lives should not cause discussion, in the sense that it is not important to own a belief or a faith, but to transform ourselves. At the level of absolute, beyond time and space, there is only life, the great Life... But in our dimension, limited by space and time, we become aware only of a segment, of a part of this life that flows between birth and death, and we think that this little life is all there is to know. Instead, it is not like that. 

I was also told that Christ would return to Earth and that his return was imminent. But I no longer know whether to incarnate on Earth will be an entity like Christ or this great consciousness, this great life that flows in us as a potentiality that must be awakened to the Christ dimension: I know that I cried because I understood that the only thing that could save us was his coming. Christ, as I understood him during my experience (but I certainly do not pretend to have understood all his mystery), represents the fullness of life in all that exists, and it is the consciousness, the love and the life that wholly manifest themselves in the human being and in humankind freed from its human misery. Christ does not belong to any religion because he is in everyone's heart, he is the fullness of God in man. I got excited and I realized that what will save us from ourselves and avoid wars, disasters and calamities will be the awakening of this dimension of Christ in us all.   

Suffering on Earth

I also remember that I went from plane to plane, from level to level. I had the impression of penetrating deeply into my consciousness, which manifested itself through an inner lucidity and understanding that grew more and more. Then I found myself in a city of light, of gold and precious stones, the glory of the glories. I felt transported and raised to the highest level. I then understood more deeply the meaning of the 26 years I had spent on Earth and what I had done with this opportunity. Then I was shown that I would have had to endure many trials and sufferings in the time I had left to live on Earth. I saw myself crying many times, and I asked the reason for all these trials. I was told then that I had accepted them before I was born, because thanks to them I would have evolved. I prayed then that I would be given all the experiences and trials necessary to reach the final goal in the course of one single life, because I did not want to return to Earth again. I realized that hell was on Earth, and I was ready for the greatest renunciations and sacrifices to make sure I did not have to return. But I was made to understand that it was not possible to load me more than my shoulders were able to bear. It may appear extravagant or unnatural to desire such a thing. Thank God, I am not a masochist, I love life. But in that sublime state of consciousness I had only one desire: to reach the goal as soon as possible, that is, to be able to merge with that splendor. On Earth we rebel against suffering and diseases. But on the other side we understand why and see the results. And everything becomes clear. 

The eternal Self

Then I saw a very beautiful being coming towards me. It is impossible for me to say whether it was a man or a woman, because it was manly and womanly at the same time. I had the impression of knowing it since the dawn of time, and I wanted to merge with it. I said: «I want to unite myself with you forever». And at that moment I became aware of the fact that this being was me, but as I'll be at the end of the times, fully realized. It was a great lesson in humility, because I measured all the way that I still had to go in order to become what I am. I understood that time was only the distance that separated me from myself. My inability to live the fullness of what I am attracts the experiences necessary to acquire what I lack.         

My brother and I said goodbye each other. He advised me not to talk about my experience when I woke up and to wait 17 years before giving testimony, because before that time it would have been considered as a trauma following the surgery shock. I do not remember coming out of my body, but I remember coming back through my head and slipping inside it like in a sock. Fullness faded away, freedom vanished, the feeling of being one and all at the same time ended. You fall into your body like inside a box. We forget that others are part of ourselves, that they are ourselves, and so we mutually harm each other...        

They made me awaken quickly. When I woke up I had in my ears a sublime music, an infinite symphony, with a sweetness that made me melt in love. I later tried to find that music listening to sacred and classical music, but in vain. Behind that music there was a sense of completeness, an infinite peace, a fullness, a knowledge that I wanted to be able to keep forever in me. I brought with me a particle of eternity and the feeling of having understood everything. Everything was perfect. When I awoke, the pain also awakened (I had a long cut in the abdomen), and the whole experience became less clear. I could not hold it back. I have kept nothing but an infinitesimal part of it in my memory. Yet since then I know that love is the secret of life, the secret of God, and I also know that God is this splendid and wonderful light and at the same time the energy that permeates the universe. I believe in a religion without frontiers, that of love that is in the heart of every human being and that, beyond the dogmas, leads each of us to transform from a caterpillar into a butterfly.     

The importance and value of this experience

The most significant aspect of this experience, as well as of other NDEs, is represented by the coherence of a complete elaboration – made up of visions, sounds, emotions and thoughts – which goes well beyond those determined by the activity of our brain in the ordinary state of waking, and also in the state of oneiric consciousness. Some analogy can be found with certain aspects of experiences induced by psychedelic substances (for which we refer to the page dedicated to them), and yet this report leaves us with the impression that the experience was lived and stored in memory in a state of consciousness not altered, quite different from those determined by the intake of drugs. The experiences induced by psychotropic substances are characterized by the Ego's awareness of being in a non-ordinary state of consciousness, and by the presence of frequent discontinuities in the plot's elaboration or in perceptive and emotional reactions, while in NDEs we can not infrequently find a development of the plot that unfolds with tranquility, in a serene and orderly environment, in which the conscious Ego seems to be at ease and well balanced.

About the substances that could possibly stimulate those particular brain activities that would determine the NDEs, the current cognitive framework considers psychoactive substances as substitutes for particular neurotransmitters that play a fundamental role in the transmission of neuron-to-neuron signals through the synapses, and therefore in the activation of neural networks. In the case of the NDEs the only substances used are the drugs that make up the anesthetic, but many NDEs take place without any anesthetic being used. We should then necessarily assume that the brain itself, under particular conditions, could be able to produce and use the neurotransmitters necessary for such a coherent and meaningful experience to occur, but until now only sporadic effects have been identified – caused, for example, from cerebral hypoxia or anoxia – which could determine some particular perceptive or emotional element of the NDEs. That's not enough to explain the coherent development of the experience as a whole. In addition, the NDE reported on this page also includes a phenomenon of premonition relating to the death – three weeks apart – of the father-in-law and the grandmother of the protagonist.

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