Reinee Pasarow's NDE
A 16 year old girl
In May 1966, 16-year-old Reinee had an NDE after she lost consciousness due to an allergic reaction to something she had eaten. When she fainted, her mother's first thought was to drive her to the hospital, but since she could not breathe, her mother decided to lie her down on the sidewalk and wait for an ambulance to arrive. A small crowd then gathered around Reinee's body. Here's how she described her experience. (Source: www.near-death.com).
I only became aware when I heard the very loud sound of the fire engines arriving. I heard my best friend from elementary school calling to me. She was calling, «Reinee, don't die, don't die Reinee». I heard this and it seemed as if it was in a foreign language to me. I finally computed the meaning of this and realized that my life was in danger. I had an obligation to fight for my life because of my mother and my friend, because she had such terror in her voice that it cut through to my heart. I tried to fight for my life, but the battle became overwhelming. At this point I just surrendered myself, my soul, to the power that brings us all into existence and that gives us all life. I knew that this was the source of all life and the way of all things. I surrendered to that and I entered a state of peacefulness.
An extraordinary state of consciousness
Then, just like that (clapping her hands), I became a ball of light or energy in the midst of this crowd that was circling a body. I became massively aware, unlike any awareness I had had during physical existence. I was not really aware of myself. I was aware of everyone around me. I was aware of my mother and my neighbors, and my friends and the firemen and what they were thinking and what they were feeling and what they were hoping and what they were praying. This was such a pummeling input of emotion and information that I was all at once overwhelmed and confused, and rather disoriented. I followed their attention to something on the sidewalk and I looked at a body on the sidewalk. I looked at the curve of the wrist bone and I recognized it. I remember looking at it and thinking, «That looks so much like my wrist bone». And then I became aware that the thing on the sidewalk, that thing that suddenly became a piece of meat to me, was what I had identified as myself before, but had no connection with it other than that I had been with it for a very long time. But it had nothing to do with me because suddenly, I was more of a person than I had ever been before. I was more conscious than I could ever be. I was free of the limitations of being a physical being.
I looked at my body and I was repulsed with the grief and the tumult around it and with the very idea that I had ever considered something physical to be my reality, to be a human reality. And with that (taps the table) again like this, I was bumped way up, up above some light wires. From that point I could watch everyone beneath me, but I was not as closely associated with them, I was completely feeling everything they were feeling. I watched my mother and a boy come out of the house and up the hill which I could not have seen physically. I was very sad for my mother. I was very sad for my friend who kept calling me. And I was very sad for the child who had come out of the house. I was very sad that he would think I was dead. So my concern was for them. I spent my time observing them and calling to them – calling to them that everything was as it should be, that everything was fine, that I was free, that it was wonderful, that I loved them and that they loved me and that the bond, unlike physical bonds, would never be destroyed. I tried to communicate this to them over and over again and I realized that I had no mouth. I had no body. They could not hear what I was saying to them. I would have to leave them in the same hands I had left myself in the process of dying. With that I turned away, just sort of like a ball, just turned away.
The song of the living Earth
My attention turned away lovingly but knowing that there was nothing I could do. I turned away from them and began to pull up. I became aware, as if I were a camera on a space ship or something, of our place – my particular little street and then my particular little town. I kept pulling up and up and up to a point where I could observe the whole Earth. This was wonderful! The Earth was alive and the Earth was singing. It was singing a single song and in that song everyone had a voice. Every human being had a very important note to add to this precious song of the Earth. It was a song of love and every living being had something to add to the song of Earth. Every one of these essences was very much connected. I was seeing it not like we see normally. I was seeing it both from a macroscopic – from the point of view of the spaceship – and from a microscopic vantage point. Microscopic in that I could see an amoeba in the ocean was connected to the song of the heart of all humanity; and that this world was responding to the song in our hearts in a miraculous, unified, and beautiful way. I too began to sing. I was so overcome with joy. It wasn't a song obviously with the mouth. I had no mouth. I had no body. I simply was. I became a part of that song and very full of joy that I could have something to contribute to this sacred beauty of our Earth and of all people.
A transition place
"I became very aware that we as people have a unique influence on the world even if we are not actively doing something. We influence this planet by our state of being. We influence this planet very positively if we are filled with love and respect for others or negatively if our hearts are negative. At this point I became aware that there was a light calling me from somewhere else and I entered what people speak of as the tunnel. I will speak of it as that although I did not quite perceive it as a tunnel. It was a transition place where I became aware of other beings who seemed to be rather disoriented, rather confused and lost and some of these beings were moving through to their home. I simply wanted to go home. I moved through this place and I became aware that I was not moving like we move physically. When we move physically we have an intent, we have a goal, and we move step by step to that goal. But what moved me through this place was love. It was the love of God and the love all things sacred and all things beautiful and all things just. I could go on and on and on but this was what propelled me on. It was my connection and my affection for God.
As I came to the end of this place, I wondered if I would be alone, and just like that I was with my uncle. It was like we were two lights that were put together – one red and one blue that made purple light. I was aware of things about him that I had never been aware of in life. I didn't spend much time with him and I didn't know him well. He lived in the south and I lived in California. But it was a very joyful reunion and I became aware that he was concerned that I was there because he communicated to me instantaneously that my mother could not stand the loss of a child. He was confused, yet he knew that everything was as it should be. From that point I became very attracted to the light and this attraction was like an irresistible magnet. I loved that light. I loved what was pulling me home.
A sea of light
I moved past my uncle into what I can best define as a sea of light. It was as if every atom in the universe had been electrified with color and light and sound, but more than that, with totally unconditional love. It was a welcoming to me. I dove into this ocean and with each moment, I felt more rapture and more joy and more just absolutely unspeakable love. As I moved through this sea, I became aware that I was moving to the center of the sea of light which I perceived, how can I say this, as a gnat flying into the sun. That is the perspective that I had for this sea of light. Then in a instant, again like a clap, I entered into this light and I became one with this light. In this light, I was no longer an individual, no longer a person, but simply a part of this light. I became like the phoenix. I was destroyed. It was the most blissful, the most excruciatingly beautiful moment that I could imagine. It seemed to me to be the apex of all existence. It was the point where one was no more. One was simply a part of this light. After being in this state for what seemed to be a time beyond time, I was gathered again together like sands from the shore as an individual and I was called to account for my deeds.
The life review
At this point Reinee remembered some things that were shown to her: for example, a group of individuals on Earth who referred to them as the Just, who worked for the unity of mankind instead of focusing on divisions, as many nations and religions do. She also said she saw groups of individuals she knew as well as her parents, and who lived and acted in other non-physical worlds. Reinee then described an encounter with a Being of Light who showed her various elements of her past life and reviewed them with her. She talked in general terms about how little acts of kindness were far and away more important than the activities we usually give so much value to in normal life. She described how the most positive thing she did was to give special attention to a not so lovable boy at a summer camp so that he would know he was loved. During the review, she said this act of kindness was more important from her viewpoint of expanded awareness than if she had been president of the United States or the queen of England. After her life review, Reinee wondered about the destiny of the human race. With that thought, she was shown the evolution and history of humanity as well as its probable future. After this, the level of love Reinee was receiving from the Being of Light had reached its pinnacle and she found herself on the other side of the light. She could then sense, in a more physical manner, a Kingdom of Light filled with people whom she knew and loved dearly. They were waiting for her and welcoming her as in a homecoming. But then the Light spoke and told her, «It is not time» which prevented her from moving further forward. She then found herself returning to the physical world.
Back into the body
I was catapulted back down what I perceived to be a tunnel. This time it was down a rainbow tunnel of light, sound and vibrational frequency of love. With a terribly hard crash, I became aware of the scene I had left earlier – the fire trucks, and now an ambulance. There were men who were picking up my body and loading it into the ambulance. I was in a state of complete grief. I felt that I had become Eve and was cast out of the garden of Eden. As I was descending down this tunnel, my heart was already attached to my home beyond. I was begging not to leave. I crashed down into this realm of existence and was suddenly confused by time and space. It was as if I had never existed physically. I was suddenly disoriented. My concern was for my mother, because she was by herself and she was losing a sixteen year old daughter. She knew that this was happening because the ambulance attendant looked at the driver in front and said DOA, DOA, which means of course dead on arrival. The driver turned off the siren and slowed down the ambulance. Before, he had been driving in a very reckless manner.
We were coming out of the mountains. As we did that, my concern was for the pain of my mother. I simple wanted to comfort her and to wrap my soul around her. To assuage the loss of a daughter, the loss of a child, I found myself simply praying for her. I followed the ambulance to the hospital and I watched as my body was unloaded. My mother followed the gurney into the emergency room. I watched as the first doctor went to work on me. I wasn't particularly interested in the first doctor because the first doctor had, that day, been through motorcycle accidents coming out of the mountains. He had been through a very long day and he was not concerned with someone who had been brought in dead on arrival. He had no connection with me. He didn't care and had no affection. So I had no interest in watching what he did because my interest was based on affection and love. I then left the emergency room and was above my mother and some friends who had followed her into the other room. I again tried to communicate with them. I tried to let them know that, «This is a very joyous occasion. I am dead on arrival. Hopefully all would go well. They are never going to be able to revive me. I was going to be dead now. Death had become life to me. Death was not something to be frightened of, but something to look forward to».
What happened then was the first doctor pronounced me dead and was sending my body off to the morgue. My own personal physician, who was a country doctor and a very gruff man, stormed into the emergency room in a tuxedo with his black bag. He looked at the nurse on the phone who was calling the morgue, and looked at the doctor who was washing his hands, and looked at my (covered) body and said, «What the hell happened here? Where is the patient?». They said, «She was dead on arrival». He said, «The hell she was». He proceeded to scream at the other nurse who was sort of standing off in the corner, «I want injections of adrenaline. Bring them to me immediately and come over here and assist me». He began to go to work on my body. He began to beat on the chest and began to shock. I was simply terrified by this turn of events and disgusted that they would treat a body so brutally. All of a sudden I sort of became protective towards my body, even though I wanted nothing to do with it. I began to be protective. They could at least be nice about it. But they were beating on my chest and shocking my body, but I was up in the corner of the emergency room accompanied by other essences who were keeping me contained in that emergency room.
Reinee goes on to describe how she finally return to her body as a result of her doctor's last effort to revive her. When she was revived, she couldn't understand or accept that she had returned to the physical world which was so horrible compared to the light and love she experienced in heaven. She cried about this and immediately began thinking about suicide. The next day, her doctor burst into Reinee's hospital room swearing at her and asked her, «What the hell did you do to yourself?». In tears, Reinee angrily told her doctor that she was dead and that he had no right to bring her back. At this, her doctor was shocked and stood back to give her a long discerning look. He told her, «You were not dead because you're not dead now». Reinee continued crying and told him about some of what she experienced while in heaven. But this only made her doctor became concerned about her mental state and had a psychiatrist come and talk to her.
When the psychiatrist came to visit Reinee, the psychiatrist sat down and told Reinee she was not leaving until Reinee convinced her she was not crazy for not wanting to live. Reinee explained to her there were no words to describe what she had experienced. But then it occurred to Reinee that her doctor would probably have her committed to a psych ward unless she could convince the psychiatrist she wasn't crazy. So she told the psychiatrist about her NDE and about heaven and love she experienced. However, the psychiatrist wanted to know details about what she claimed transpired in the emergency room. So Reinee told her everything that happened there. The psychiatrist then said to Reinee she was going to investigate to see if what Reinee had told her was true. About two or three hours later, the psychiatrist returned. Reinee noticed how the psychiatrist appeared to be white as a sheet. The psychiatrist looked at her and told her she was right: she was dead; everything Reinee explained to her about what happened in the ER did indeed occur; there was a blond nurse; there was a dark-haired nurse about forty-years old; there was a young doctor who was exhausted from treating people involved in a motorcycle accident; there was no cardiologist on duty; and her doctor did want to inject adrenaline directly into her heart but decided not to. The psychiatrist told Reinee, «You're right. You're not crazy». Reinee then asked her if there was anything she could do to help her. Her psychiatrist replied that psychiatry had nothing to offer to help her and she recommended that Reinee see her clergy about it. Reinee replied that she just couldn't do that. The psychiatrist then advised that Reinee never talk about her experience again to anyone – even to those people she knows.
In this NDE too, the psychic tuning is centered on a state of absolute love, total bliss and organic unity as opposed to the fragmentation and conflictual particularism that characterize our individual lives in this world. Another interesting aspect of the experience is given by the resistance opposed to the return in the physical dimension, a return felt as painful, oppressive and unbearable if compared to the state of grace that the protagonist was experiencing: like a soldier who, after having been at home on license, surrounded by the affection of his loved ones, should return to the front line to face again the sufferings and misery of war.